What to say instead of complaining
I have been complaining often since moving to Boston this recent August for graduate school at Boston University. This is a problem for me because this is how I feel about being here:
- It's an honor and a privelege to be at one of the best higher education institutes in the United States
- Attending grad school has been a dream of mine and I finally made it happen
- I'm learning a lot and in awe of all my course instructors
- Public health is exactly what I want to be studying: I picked correctly!
And yet...
- Transitions are difficult
- Boston is a tough city! The insane 1600s city layout for driving omfg! The
honking . I. Can't. Even. - Grad school is challenging and I've had trouble adjusting to the work pace
- I miss my boyfriend, friends, family, and life in California
- I'm a broke student again
Why is complaining bad?
It turns people off. It halts ideas and creativity. It's useless. It doesn't problem solve. It's not full of possibilities. It perpetuates negative dead-end thinking. It doesn't feel good in the body.
It's not my prefered way of existing. I make better friends and have more fun when I'm celebrating life instead of berating it.
What can I say instead of complaining?
I am actually suffering. My pain is real. It's legitimate. And at the same time I'm also learning a lot. These two realities are not mutually exclusive. And it's important to acknowlege the full range of my experiences.
But complaining doesn't work. Here's what does: sharing my emotions.
Examples:
- I felt stressed today when I got rear-ended but then relieved that my car wasn't damaged. (True story.)
- I felt scared when two small children ran out in front of my car this morning and I had to slam on my brakes. (True story. They're okay. It took me awhile to calm down.)
- I feel sad to not see my boyfriend for a long period of time.
- I am feeling challenged to budget and stay thrifty. I feel guilty when I spend money.
Emotions and feelings connect us. They're valid and they're not the same as complaining.
The next time you experience something difficult, think, "how can I frame this as an emotional experience?"